New Avenues of Expression

My life has changed.

I know, I know- I’ve said this many times but this time it’s so very true. Actually it’s not even so much that my life has changed but that I’ve changed. I’ve been making different choices, working harder at being happy and just going with the flow in a completely different way.

So with that I’ve been wanting to leave behind a lot of the things I associate with the old me. The me that didn’t feel open to being happy and didn’t stand up for myself. And that includes this blog.

I’ve been posting regularly at http://memoriesinprint.tumblr.com/ and I hope you’ll all join me there.

Thank you so much!

Wednesday Readings- The Beach by Michael Lorne Leard

Michael Lorne Leard has been writing for 15 years, and believes the idea is as important as it’s execution. He has been published in Quills Poetry, Carousel Magazine and Monkey Bicycle among others. Currently, he continues work on a collection based on the concept of loss, and its effects on the young.

The Beach

Isbella, on the shore, stands wanting,
alone, barefoot.
The ocean fills the spaces between her toes.
Her  flowered dress- a thin cotton,
changes color as the dipping sun
sets the world ablaze.

The wind grows cool as
the evening courts the shoreline.
Her skin tightens from its caresse.
She rubs her arms for warmth.

In the distance,
children are playing,
running,
towels around their necks.
Heroes they will be.
To someone, someday.

She watches the ocean as it
deposits trophies at her feet.
Some new.
Some old.
But like her, all forgotten.

Feverishly,
she reaches for the sky to
pull a memory from a cloud or
feeling from the wind.
Any feeling at all.
Nothing.

She waits,
heart pounding,
eyes filling with sand and water,
Nothing comes.
Only more waves lapping at her feet.
She realizes her obsessions have become cumbersome.
And today is just another day
at the beach.

The Best Advice I Ever Received

This is going to sound slightly negative but the best advice I ever received has to do with having little or no expectations.

I was told that in order to get through life sometimes the best thing to do was have little or no expectations but always have hope. I know I know- expectations and hope- what’s the big difference?

Expectation: In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centred on the future, may or may not be realistic.

Hope: is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life.

I find whenever I expect things of others I get disappointed. It’s not easy and it hurts every time. I think it’s one of my least favorite things. I don’t deal well with disappointment.

So I tried changing my outlook on things. Now I don’t expect anything from anyone but I always hope for the best. It’s made it so that when something negative happens I accept it that much easier, and when something good happens it means so much more to me then it ever could have in the past.

I have found that now my appreciation for all of the little things has really grown and life has become so much more satisfying. I never feel that anything is “owed” to me I feel that I am lucky to experience everything I do and that the good times make things that much more sweet.

Now it’s your turn! Tell me: What was the best advice you ever received?

Wednesday Readings- Pendulum by John Hoben

John Hoben is a PhD student in Education at Memorial University. His poetry has won a Newfoundland and Labrador Arts and Letters Award (2004) and 2nd prize in Memorial University’s Gregory Power Poetry Award (2007) for emerging student writers. His work has appeared in small press publications in British Columbia, Ontario and Nova Scotia. Born and raised in Musgrave Harbour, a small fishing community located on the north-east coast of Newfoundland, John currently lives in Torbay, Newfoundland with his wife and daughter.

Pendulum

My grandmother said you
were beautiful
and your voice was like
the sound of the first birds of spring
and your long black tresses
fell like the shadow of the moon
on the face of the unmoving sea.

You left your young love
for the city of crowded storefronts
and muddy streets,
a servant girl from Carmanville,
far from your home in the little cove,
where rocky cliffs and rolling
meadows leapfrogged
in the face of the blue
and boundless deep.

But in the end they say
this was the way the thing went:
frantic whispers as creaking steps
approached the wooden door;
his hand across your open mouth
and the long descent
into perfect blackness
you and the child dangling above
the feet you saw so firmly planted
upon the attic floor.

Wednesday Readings- I’d Like

This week I’m going to do a little something different. I’m trying to get myself back in the writing mode and I’ve decided that in order to do that maybe I should just pay more attention to all the things I used to write and see where that takes me.

I went back through anything I had saved and realized that I haven’t sat down and written anything of my own since April 2008- and that’s just far too long! Over two years and I’m not very happy with myself for that.

So here I am nervous as can be -and I really am nervous I don’t share these things very often- about sharing my last/latest work. I hope you enjoy it!

I’d Like

I’d like to sit beside you
and tell you all the things
I can’t tell anyone else.
All the things I’m so scared of,
the things I wish I never knew
the songs I wish that I could sing
and the things I think about while washing my hair in the morning.

I’d like to lay beside you
and show you all broken parts of me
I know nobody wants to see.
All of the chaos in my mind,
the stolen innocences
the lost possibilities
and the scared little girl I hide.

I’d like to sit beside you
and tell you all the things
I’ve always hidden from everyone else.
All the ways I hurt myself so that no one could ever hurt me first,
the dreams I have each night
the choices I’ve made I shouldn’t have
and the energy I spend pretending to be happy with the life I lead.

I’d like to lay beside you
and show you all the things
I have to hide from everyone else.
All the love I have to give,
the truth inside of me
the reality of who I am
and the part of me that longs to be taken care of.

I’d like to sit beside you
and tell you all the things you do
that keep you on my mind.
All the ways you make me laugh,
the way you make me feel like I mean more than I thought I might
the nervous way you run your hand through your hair when you look at me
the way just sitting across the room from you can warm me like a fire,
and the way your voice runs through my brain down to my toes and fills me up like nothing else.

I’d like to lay beside you
and say nothing.

So there you have it- my first time sharing anything I’ve written in a very long time and I hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading this week!

I’ve been asleep for a long long time…

I have developed over the years a huge aversion to being seen as a selfish person. I think it comes from having people around you take and take and take for purely selfish gain. When you see the pain their actions cause it’s difficult to allow yourself to be even just the tiniest bit selfish.

Because of this I find I’ve often resigned myself to not having personal gain. Not acting in my own best interests because I somehow considered that selfish.

In someways I feel like I’ve been asleep for the past few years. I’ve been here, living, working, breathing- but I haven’t been doing it for me I’ve been doing it for other people. It’s not really living if you’re not reaching out for something. If you don’t have goals or things you’re looking forward to.

I’ve decided not to do that anymore. I’m becoming more vocal and personally active in my new relationship, asking for things I never would have thought I could receive in the past- and to my surprise I’m getting them!

I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting things. I’m feeling amazing and empowered and just overall better about myself as a person. Who knew that being selfless was a poor goal? I guess it’s true it’s all just about finding that happy and stable medium.

I’m looking forward to sharing this new more selfish me with you all- thanks for reading!

Wednesday Readings- Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou born  on April 4, 1928) is an American autobiographer and poet who has been called “America’s most visible black female autobiographer” by scholar Joanne M. Braxton. She is best known for her series of six autobiographical volumes, which focus on her childhood and early adulthood experiences. The first, best-known, and most highly acclaimed, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969), focuses on the first seventeen years of her life, brought her international recognition, and was nominated for a National Book Award. Angelou has been highly honored for her body of work, including being awarded over 30 honorary degrees and the nomination of a Pulitzer Prize for her 1971 volume of poetry, Just Give Me a Cool Drink of Water ‘Fore I Diiie.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size.
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout of jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.